Eaton Rapids
Michigan Suibukan

Warning:
This page may not be suitable for the humor impaired.

Are you a loser? A hopeless chump with no place to go and no one that'd stay if you showed up anyhow? A dweeb? A reject? An accountant?

Well chin up - there's hope for you yet! All you need is to train at the exclusive Eaton Rapids Michigan Suibukan!

It's true - in just a matter of days you too can look this good. Well, ok, who are we kidding. It takes a normal person years of practice, so you can just consider it sort of a life goal.

Just imagine how cool you would be if you were a karate master. Or a karate student. Hell you'd be cool if you just had touched the robes of his royal butt-kickness, Sensei Mark Salisbury shown demonstrating the Tonfa (stick with a handle on it eh?) here.

"Whoa, dude, you mean we get to hit people with sticks?"

Oh yeah! Every thing you ever dreamed of, everything you ever saw in one of those karate movies, well we do them every day. We kick so much butt we have to order out for more butt!

You'll learn the Deep Skills, how to do that "meditate" thing, how to punch through steel blocks, and how to terrify your opponents by staring at the ground being "focused." Remember the hero always does the 'focus' thing just before he beats the tar out of everyone.

Just imagine what it would like to not be a loser! The whole world would be your oyster! Yessir, you could walk into restaurants and actually sit at the tables like the other customers, order two scoops of ice cream, and Hell, go hog wild and even sneek a peek at that cute bank teller!

Anthony here? Check him out. You think he gets picked last for baseball? Hah, yeah right! "Last? Pick me last? Come here jerk let's have a little chat, just you, me and my pal Batsy here."

Hey, but don't get the wrong idea. You learn a lot more in karate than just how to kick butt. Karate skills have lots of applications in real life. Once you're a karate master, you can handle anything. Door stuck? Kick it in. Can't get your luggage in the bag? Hammer fist that sucker closed. Computer not working? A nice shuto or reverse knuckle punch will save you lots of time versus running virus scan.

Here Sensei Amy is demonstrating her crossover technique that combines Kobudo skills with elements of Julia Child.

That works both ways too. Just as your karate skills will work in real life, stuff you did in real life will work right into school.

Remember when you were a kid and you made up games, like "rowboat oar versus big tree limb?" Hey, when you're broke, you make do.

But there's a reason karate masters all live in little grass huts - surprise, they're broke too! So check it out, they're still playing that game!

In Karate, you'll learn a lot about your body. Body, health and mind come together.

"Screw that, how does health help me kick butt?"

Think, chumpbucket. What if they hit you first? In Eaton Rapids Suibukan, we'll turn you into a health master, able to feel no pain and master the healing arts.

In fact, the technique Sensei Donnie is demonstrating here is actually a variation of an accupressure technique used to help women with chest pain.

Eventually you too will become a Relentless Fortress of Personal Might. Eaton Rapids Suibukan can make a monster out of anyone. Check out Sensei Amy on this board break - you know what that board's for? To protect those 3 guys from being blown back across the park!

That said, it is true that some people are going to go farther than others, depending on their dedication and natural ability.

But as far as you want to go, you can go with Eaton Rapids Suibukan! We have the most elite masters to train with, who can each teach you the Exotic Arts.

Here Sensei John demonstrates the rare and fabulous Fear Break. Almost impossible to achieve, he will carry a second board in his hand while he breaks the first. When the second board sees the horrible fate suffered by the first board, it will literally break itself apart in sheer terror.

So are you ever going to get to be this cool? Ha. Don't count on it. All the training in the world can't make you into this living scene from Enter the Dragon.

But we can make you into someone who matters! We can make you into someone who can kill with a secret stare, save the world and maybe even talk to members of the opposite sex. Make no mistake, your future's looking mighty bright!

At Eaton Rapids Suibukan!

Now get your parent's permission and dare to dream!